Growing up, I always had to deal with the fact that I was Mormon. I grew up in the south. Mormons were not popular & that's putting it kindly. We supposedly believed crazy things, such as our "Mormon bible", Joseph Smith is God, polygamy, and so on. Really crazy things. I had friends whose parents NEVER let them come with me to any church events. Some weren't even allowed to see me outside of school. I went to my friend's church's events but they could never come to mine. I was always in some way on the outside.
It was hurtful. I was judged. I was scrutinized. But I had great friends that didn't care what religion I was. Their parents did.
When I moved to Utah, I never had to deal with any of that. I was Mormon, just like pretty much everyone else. No one ever questioned my beliefs. No one cast me aside because I believed the Book of Mormon. No one looked at me funny when I didn't play softball or buy groceries on Sunday. Being Mormon in Utah was easy. It was weird too.... at first. I was uncomfortable with how easy it was. But I got used to it.
Now I once again live outside of Utah. It's not the south but it's not an easy place to be Mormon, sometimes. I live in an area where religion isn't really considered important. It is actually looked down upon by many, especially organized religion. And once again, I am questioned about my beliefs. I am looked down upon for being part of an organization that is not considered Christian by many other Christian churches around. No one is rude or mean but I am kept at a distance.
Very recently, I have discovered that I am once again being scrutinized for my beliefs. And not only am I, but my family & friends are too. It feels as if everything we do and say is being watched and they are just waiting for one of us to mess up. It's frustrating. If someone wants to take me apart, fine. But leave my family alone!
As I was sitting at Garret's soccer game, a couple of people who know that I am LDS sat beside me & started talking about one of their Bible study groups. I tried not to listen. But as I sat there hearing their conversation, I knew that it was being said for my benefit. They wanted me to hear what they were talking about. Reference was made to people being converted to the "real Bible." I didn't say anything. I just kept on playing with Jace. I didn't want to play a religion game with them.
It bothered me that they would do this. These couple of people had actually questioned a good friend about our beliefs a few weeks ago. I guess the answers she gave them were not good enough because they clearly did not believe her or I don't think they would have been talking "real Bible" talk around me. If they truly want to know about it, I will gladly answer any questions they have. But I'm not willing to play Bible bash.
It amazes me that you can tell someone exactly what you believe. You can show them scripture. You can live an exemplary life. But for some reason, they refuse to believe you. Maybe I should be flattered that these couple of people like me well enough to even put that little scheme together for my benefit. But right now, I'm not. I'm a little angry & somewhat defensive if I'm being honest with myself. I don't like people telling me what I believe especially when they don't have it right.
I just want to be accepted, the same way that I accept them & others. I don't want conditions placed upon me. If I'm nice to you, be nice to me. But I guess it doesn't always work that way. I'm part of an organization that teaches the true & everlasting Gospel. I believe in Jesus Christ. Opposition is always going to show it's ugly face. I know that Satan is going to fight every step I take in my life. I know that he is going to put many influences in my path hoping for me to go astray. I've done it before. I don't ever want to do it again.
I know that my heart needs to soften right now. I'm working on it. I'm so blessed to have many awesome LDS families around me. I enjoy the bubble that we live in at times. But often enough, the bubble is gone & I have to depend on the Savior to guide my way. I have to look to his example so that I know how to treat others when I am feeling quite defensive.
I've been bugged by these same things. Recently it was a facebook comment that made it seem that anyone who does not wholly support homosexuals is a bigot and a homophobe. I am hurt. When did the terms disagreeance and intolerance become the same word in the dictionary? It is becoming harder and harder in the world we live in to stand for the right.
ReplyDeleteI agree. You really aren't allowed to disagree with certain people because you are then labeled as something that you really are not!
ReplyDeleteOh this post stirred up so much emotion in me. As you are aware (since you commented on it), I recently posted an article about a local pastor who went public with his announcement that "Mormons aren't Christians". I agree Nancy... more and more, we are being put under a microscope. It doesn't sway me from being who I am, but I am also realizing that it IS going to affect our children, especially as they enter the teenage years and they are SO pressured by their peers to conform.
ReplyDeleteSomeone brought up Mormons at work the other night. Someone mentioned that someone was LDS but had "slept around" and then they sort of said, "Tsk, tsk, tsk. Not such a good Mormon, eh?" I lost it (in a professional way... I didn't come totally unglued, but... well...)...
I said (and keep in mind that everyone knows I am LDS), "WHO CARES?! REALLY! Why do you even have to mention that they are Mormon? Why are Mormons CONSTANTLY being called out? If they were Catholic, would you have made that comment?" Then another nurse said, "Two of my best friends are Mormon. They were really good girls until they graduated high school." I said, "Again, why does that matter? We're all human. We all live normal lives the same as you. We all make mistakes. How come our mistakes have to be put up on the big screen and made public?"
It actually made them think and made them sort of apologize for what they had said. I have just HAD IT. I'm SO TIRED of being scrutinized for every little thing. :(
I'm sorry you had that experience at soccer. But like you said, be flattered that of all the myriad of things they could be discussing, they took the time to talk about you! Yay!
I have read many things in the past 24 hours that tell me that the Lord is WELL aware of what we are going through. It seems as though everything I've heard and read today centers around the theme of, "The Savior knows what your trials and hardships are. Lean on him." I am taking that message to heart... what other choice do I have, really?
oh, what you just said about your coworkers saying that... I totally agree! For some reason it is okay to have prejudices against Mormons, be open about it, & point out anything bad that we do. If we aren't perfect, people are sure to talk about it! I'm so glad that you said what you did. If we were Muslim or Jewish, no one would DARE say anything openly about us. It's frustrating.
ReplyDeleteBut like you said, we have to lean on the Lord. That's what I am trying to do. Trust in him & pray that my kids have firm foundation!