SO TRUE!!!

i really should be doing the dishes...

Anna and the French Kiss

I loved this book. It is a total girl book! The story... Anna is looking forward to her senior year in Atlanta, where she has a great job, a loyal best friend, and a crush on the verge of becoming more. Which is why she is less than thrilled about being shipped off to boarding school in Paris - until she meets Etienne St. Clair: perfect, Parisian (and English and American, which makes for a swoon-worthy accent), and utterly irresistible. The only problem is that he's taken, and Anna might be, too, if anything comes of her almost-relationship back home.

I want to hug this book! I will be honest and tell you that it made me giddy. It was so fun to read. If you like chic-lit, then read this book. I absolutely love it! 

awesome!

no explanation needed!

Seriously!

How many times do you have to ask your children to do something before it becomes acceptable to yell? I am trying really hard to stay calm but come on! Just get it done & I will be much better. Why do kids not understand this concept? 

Lately, I've been doing pretty good with my patience but I can tell that it is coming to an end. It's like I have a tank with patience gas. It is slowly used up as time goes by. Right now it is nearly out. I need a refill. Hopefully it happens before I completely freak out! 

Part of it too, I think, is that the holidays, family trips, & other such things are all starting to bombard me. I start stressing. Not because I don't like these things. I love them. But I completely stress about my weight, money, and my house. It pushes me over the edge. So what do I do, I eat. Bad things. And THAT really helps with the weight issue. And when I eat too many sweets, it totally screws up my mental functions.

Combine unwilling to clean up kids & those things above and you get a really grumpy Nancy. Not good. MUST. CALM. DOWN! 

Sooo, here's to trying to stay patient & enjoying the things around me. I'm really gonna try.

Today I love my dishwasher. I didn't grow up with one. I'm so glad to have one now!

Growing up, I always had to deal with the fact that I was Mormon. I grew up in the south. Mormons were not popular & that's putting it kindly. We supposedly believed crazy things, such as our "Mormon bible", Joseph Smith is God, polygamy, and so on. Really crazy things. I had friends whose parents NEVER let them come with me to any church events. Some weren't even allowed to see me outside of school. I went to my friend's church's events but they could never come to mine. I was always in some way on the outside.

It was hurtful. I was judged. I was scrutinized. But I had great friends that didn't care what religion I was. Their parents did.

When I moved to Utah, I never had to deal with any of that. I was Mormon, just like pretty much everyone else. No one ever questioned my beliefs. No one cast me aside because I believed the Book of Mormon. No one looked at me funny when I didn't play softball or buy groceries on Sunday. Being Mormon in Utah was easy. It was weird too.... at first. I was uncomfortable with how easy it was. But I got used to it. 

Now I once again live outside of Utah. It's not the south but it's not an easy place to be Mormon, sometimes. I live in an area where religion isn't really considered important. It is actually looked down upon by many, especially organized religion. And once again, I am questioned about my beliefs. I am looked down upon for being part of an organization that is not considered Christian by many other Christian churches around. No one is rude or mean but I am kept at a distance.

Very recently, I have discovered that I am once again being scrutinized for my beliefs. And not only am I, but my family & friends are too. It feels as if everything we do and say is being watched and they are just waiting for one of us to mess up. It's frustrating. If someone wants to take me apart, fine. But leave my family alone!

 

As I was sitting at Garret's soccer game, a couple of people who know that I am LDS sat beside me & started talking about one of their Bible study groups. I tried not to listen. But as I sat there hearing their conversation, I knew that it was being said for my benefit. They wanted me to hear what they were talking about. Reference was made to people being converted to the "real Bible." I didn't say anything. I just kept on playing with Jace. I didn't want to play a religion game with them.

It bothered me that they would do this. These couple of people had actually questioned a good friend about our beliefs a few weeks ago. I guess the answers she gave them were not good enough because they clearly did not believe her or I don't think they would have been talking "real Bible" talk around me. If they truly want to know about it, I will gladly answer any questions they have. But I'm not willing to play Bible bash.

 

It amazes me that you can tell someone exactly what you believe. You can show them scripture. You can live an exemplary life. But for some reason, they refuse to believe you. Maybe I should be flattered that these couple of people like me well enough to even put that little scheme together for my benefit. But right now, I'm not. I'm a little angry & somewhat defensive if I'm being honest with myself. I don't like people telling me what I believe especially when they don't have it right.

I just want to be accepted, the same way that I accept them & others. I don't want conditions placed upon me. If I'm nice to you, be nice to me. But I guess it doesn't always work that way. I'm part of an organization that teaches the true & everlasting Gospel. I believe in Jesus Christ. Opposition is always going to show it's ugly face. I know that Satan is going to fight every step I take in my life. I know that he is going to put many influences in my path hoping for me to go astray. I've done it before. I don't ever want to do it again.

I know that my heart needs to soften right now. I'm working on it. I'm so blessed to have many awesome LDS families around me. I enjoy the bubble that we live in at times. But often enough, the bubble is gone & I have to depend on the Savior to guide my way. I have to look to his example so that I know how to treat others when I am feeling quite defensive.

ugh

Today I feel really fat. I tried on a shirt. Guess what. The XXL is the one that fit me. Really? What gives? I know that I am not that size. I know that the shirt I tried on runs really small. But man, it sure is a blow to your self esteem when  you think one size should fit and a larger size is the one you actually need. I've been working pretty hard at getting back into prebaby shape but it's just not happening!

Losing weight is of the devil, I think. It's frustrating, hard, & limiting.

No really, I know it's not of the devil but it sure makes me think some bad thoughts sometimes! I gotta just keep chugging along. 

off!!!

The computer is a distraction today! I can't get anything done. I'm turning it off.

happiness is...

going for a walk when you really don't want to but feeling GREAT after you did it!

It's wrestling around on the floor with 3 kids and their dad.

It's listening to a house full of laughter from all of the wrestling.

It's getting a good night's sleep.

These are some of the things that make me happy. I've been trying really hard lately to not let things stress me out or get under my skin. I have to say, exercising and keeping myself busy has really helped. 

The stressers this week... Primay callings. It seems like we (the primary presidency) finally figure things out only to have the rug pulled out from under us again. It's frustrating but I'm trying to have a good attitude about it. It will all work out. Gotta have faith!

The other stresser... Kira's birthday. I can't seem to figure out a date for her birthday party. I know that it's not that big of a deal BUT........ it is. To Kira. And honestly, me too. I have to figure this out. There is just so much going on the end of October that it leaves no time for her. I gotta sit down and plan.

I can't let the stress get to me. Exercising, along with a couple of other things each day, has become a great stress reliever. I'm much happier than I was a couple of months ago. I don't feel so crazy. It's nice. I don't want to punch the wall anymore. I have much more patient with my kids. They appreciate it. :) I hope they know that I love them more than words can say. My house still feels like a disaster zone but it's getting better. And I am cooking again. For a while, I didn't want to even do that. It feels good to have my wits about me again. Hopefully, I will keep moving in the right direction!

cake, brownies, donuts, snickers...

I am a total stress eater!!! When I am stressed, bothered, upset, or just flustered, I want to eat sweet treats! It drives me crazy and that makes it even worse! I wish that I was the kind of person that didn't eat at all when stressed. Instead I could probably eat myself sick but I try to just eat something to satisfy my craving & then get the heck out of the kitchen. It's tough.  

Hmpff. I'm going for a walk.

for the love of baking...

It has been a busy, busy past few days. I don't think that I have had any down time but it's okay. It's been fun. 

Yesterday, I had a birthday party for a friend at my house. I wish that I would have taken at least one picture of the party! But of course, I didn't. I don't ever remember that I have a camera until it's almost too late. Just imagine a house full of mom's & kids. Fun! Anyway, I happily made her a lemon cake. It was really so yummy. I am not a huge lemon fan but I will eat it... if it's really good. I much prefer chocolate but she is just the opposite, which is a mystery to me but it's her taste buds, I guess. Love ya Heather! I used mostly this recipe from Annie's eats. The cake is delicious! The whipped filling I think needs to be a touch sweeter with a little more lemon zest or extract. I will definitely fix this next time. And I used my cream cheese frosting recipe, the one that I've tweaked & finally gotten the way that I like it instead of the vanilla bean in the recipe. You can't have lemon cake without cream cheese frosting. It's just not right. And besides, vanilla beans cost like a million bucks or something. Who can afford those?!! I could have used vanilla extract but where's the fun in that? Really though, this cake is superlicious! even for a "lemon is okay" fan like me. 

This was all that was left of a giant 3 layer cake. So good!

Today, a friend's son got baptized and the guest attending needed a treat. Cupcakes to the rescue! So last night, I made 6 dozen cupcakes. Chocolate chocolate chip & almond vanilla. I was so sleepy by the time they were done, that the frosting had to wait until this morning. I got up bright & early, before the sun even, and set about the task of making some frosting. I chose vanilla almond buttercream and chocolate. Nice & simple. Some of the chocolate cupcakes got a little chocolate frosting & some got vanilla almond. Same as the vanilla cupcakes. It made for a good variety. 

Now, I don't like to toot my own horn but these dang cupcakes were so good! I wanted to eat them all! But seeing as I need to lose a few L Bs, I kinda controlled myself. :D 

If you want the recipes, just let me know. I have a base recipe that I use and then go from there.

I really do enjoy baking, especially cupcakes. I get to enter into my own little world & create something delicious to share with those around me. It's fun for me to replicate, tweak, create, & taste all of the baked yumminess that comes from the oven. Thank you to all of you who share in my love of baking & help me eat all of these treats!

reminder to me...

I don't usually talk about my experiences at the Temple. But last night was amazing. That is about the only word that I can think of to fit the way that I felt. I knew that I was supposed to be there. I know that the work I did last night was good.

In the meeting before the session, my former Bishop spoke. I had no idea he was speaking either. It was a nice surprise. He bore testimony of the strength it takes to prepare to go to the temple. He told the story of my dear friend's husband who passed away a little over two years ago. The Bishop told of this husband's strong desire to make it to the temple even though he was suffering from cancer. He never made it to the temple. He was just too sick, but he did get his temple recommend before he passed away. His father was then able to do all of his work for him a couple of weeks after he passed. I know that this great man is so happy to have been able to still receive his endowment, even though he wasn't able to do it himself.

Of course, I cried throughout the whole talk. It was a good reminder to me of how important attending the temple is in our lives. It's easy to let so many little things get in the way.

I believe...

to do list...

Guess what. My couple of goals that I set out for myself last week, I did it. Mostly. 

The Halloween decorations are out. The kids had a great time helping me with them. There aren't many but what there are, are cute.

And Garret's room, well, it's clean. I got a lot of the baby clothes packed away. All of the toys are cleaned up and put away in their proper locations. They aren't just thrown into any old bin or shelf now. They only thing left to do, is go through Garret's clothes. I didn't do it just because I hesitate to give them away. I have no place to store them & besides, by the time Jace is big enough to wear them, they will be out of style. But I guess I'm kind of a hoarder that way. I don't want to get rid of them. Sentimental mom.

So this week, I am going to make myself finish that job.

The other two goals for the week are...

1. Washing all of the laundry AND putting it away. Now you have to understand, I loathe the laundry. It is honestly my most hated chore. I don't mind washing or folding but I hate putting it away. Don't ask my why because I don't know. So I will have to really focus tomorrow to get this done.

2. Search through our pictures & work on the picture wall for downstairs. I have been wanting to do this for a while. I think it's time I started on it.

It felt good to make a couple of small goals & complete them. Being a mom, there is already a list a mile long of things that need to get done but having some actual goals helped me focus on the couple of things that I felt were important. Maybe one of these days I will add another goal in there but for now, two will have to do.

dark ages

I am not a true American. Know why? I don't have an iphone, android, HTC, or whatever all of the cool phones are called. Almost every American I know has one, except for me. I have a trac phone that I can talk & text on but not take or receive pictures. I have no cool apps or a gps to guide my way. It is a phone that is good for emergencies. And the best part about this phone, a good friend actually gave it to me because she was so tired of me not having cellular service. Thanks friend. This phone has saved me on some occasions (when I remember to bring it with me). 

this is my phone

 Some days I really want to be up to date & have a really cool phone that I can take great pictures with and post them right away to Facebook. I would like to play Angry Birds. I would like to look up the nearest McDonald's when I am in an undiscovered city. I want to be cool like everyone else. I want to be up to date!

But I hesitate to get one of these glorious technologically advanced machines. The price of these dear phones is not the problem. The addictions to these machines is the problem. I do not want to be addicted. I don't want to make sure that my phone has it's own seat when I go out to dinner. I don't want to pause in a conversation so that I can check to see who just texted me or updated their Facebook status. I don't want to make the person I am with 2nd best.

I read this the other day, multitasking. I was grateful for this post. It made me think of what's really important. I want to be present in the life that surrounds me. I don't want to be lost in a phone.

Sooo, what to do? I have been having this phone dilemma for a while. Rich & I actually went a few months ago to get phones, or me a phone rather, and I backed out. I was in the store ready to purchase it. I had it in my hand. But I said no.

I have decided that if I get one, I will have to make some rules for myself. The ones I can think of so far...

1. It will not go to church with me. Yes, I know it has the scriptures on it & that will be great for when I am sitting at the doctor's office, but it also has internet & games. That will be a distraction for me. I will bring my hard copy of the scriptures to church. 

2. It will not have a place at the dinner table.

3. I will not pull it out in the middle of a conversation that I am having with someone unless it is relevant to the conversation. Seriously, how often is that phone call an emergency? 

I know that it is pretty much inevitable that I will have to come out of the dark ages and join the rest of society. I think that I am ready. A lot of days I wish that I already had... but not enough to take the jump. 

source

Soooo, is the iphone really that cool? I'm totally missing out! :)

Today I love books. Hard copy books. I'm sad that it seems to me that they will one day be extinct. But like phones, I will have to get something like a kindle just so that I can read a book.

SO true

So when I got home from STEP class this morning, Rich was practicing his golf game on the wii & he say's to me "I'm so bored."

me: "Well, we are about to go do some things. Just let me shower first. You could have cleaned the house. That would have kept you busy."  :)

Rich: "But that's BORING!"

I could only agree.